Perhaps I was absolutely, positively, utterly delusional about grad school. I must have been. Or someone has forgotten to sit me down and slap me in the face with the reality of what grad school means.
I sound like I've started the semester already, don't I? Well, the truth is, I have only gotten two innocent enough emails. One with a book list and dates each is to be read by in its entirety and the other with a fifteen page syllabus.
Class one: 11 books.
Class two: 12 books.
I will be taking four classes. At this rate I'll be up around 50 books a semester. And for the sake of being internet-classy, I wont spell out the financial portion of this panic attack. But let's just say, even buy them super use online is proving to be a horrifying, panic inducing task.
I don't know which is freaking me out more, the massive amount of money I am pouring into these books or the enormous task of somehow reading, comprehending, intellectually engaging with and remembering the contents of each.
I know tons of people pass through grad school each year. They manage. They are able to do it, stay sane and come out the other end with a magical job-earning piece of paper. So why does it seem to utterly impossible to me?
I'm having trouble just keep everything I need to get done to move straight, this stress is not needed and seems to be having this paralyzing effect on me. Kind of like deer in the headlights fear. Like that AHIMGOINGTOBECRUSHEDTONOTHING fear.
But, you know, I have always wondered how professors accrued the massive amounts of books in their offices and homes. I have always marveled at how their walls were just LINED with books. I used to think they must have been for reference, no one person could possibly have read all those books.
Now I know the answer. They went to grad school. That got them half. then they started their doctorates and wham. Other half.
End product: awe inducing library/personal collection of books.
I suppose that's one small thing to look forward to. I am bringing two book cases from home. And stealing Chris' bookcase. Sure, he has things on it. But apparently...I need it more.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Southside Works
I didn't think Pittsburgh was going to give me blog material today. We went to the Carnegie Museums and while you need about 10 hours to fully get through two of the four, it didn't *inspire* me other than being a very very big impressive museum.
Then we found another shopping center. This place was very different from the Strip so it deserves its own blog. It's called the Southside Works. It's a shopping center with a huge, gorgeous Cheese Cake factory sitting in the middle like a palace. In front of the Cheesecake factory is a little plaza, like a courtyard, to further make the impression of the palace like building being the center of everything. Which I think was a wise choice, I am fully in support of the cheesecake factory getting to place of honor. What can I say, I'm a little too fond of dessert.
There is nothing gritty or cheap about this place. Even the movie theater, while having normal ticket prices, has a nice carpeted grand staircase you go up to get to concessions and the theaters. It's decorated in the Art Deco style, evoking a 1920's feel and again breaking from the feel of it being a chain. Another point for Pittsburgh and their refusal to fill up plazas with chain stores.
The restaurants and stores are more upscale, and the fast food places are hidden up a block, even those are Qudoba and Subway and a neat pita place rather than the typical Wendy's and McDonald's.
One restaurant was McCormick and Shmicks, a very expensive seafood place. There was a large bookstore and little boutique shops, the only one I recognized was a Forever 21, oh, and a New York and Company. It was neat, clean and a lovely place to go for a date night movie and dinner or to just feel trendy. A few blocks up it became a popular night hotspot with a street lined with bar after bar (but nothing down in the dumps, places young people would like to go) and a few more small restaurants.
Unlike the Strip, it was more of a shopping center for well established and very reputable stores rather than unique ethnic and vendors or independent artists. It also upped Blackstone in quality and accessibility, with shops along the street and centered around the courtyard rather than in a huge plaza. This way you could enjoy walkways and sidewalks without everything being clustered around a massive parking lot. I found it much more pleasing to the eye and to getting from store to store.
I don't think I'd be a regular there but for movies, there are 5 dollar Mondays and with a student ID you get a dollar off, so for the cinema and a nice meal out to the Cheesecake Factory, which I very very very highly recommend from repeat experiences, it is absolutely perfect.
A great, great place for a weekend date. Perhaps to spend money saved from shopping at the Strip on a dinner and movie.
Southside Works website: with picture of the courtyard, cheesecake factory and theater to the right on the homepage, check out what I mean!
http://www.southsideworks.com/
Then we found another shopping center. This place was very different from the Strip so it deserves its own blog. It's called the Southside Works. It's a shopping center with a huge, gorgeous Cheese Cake factory sitting in the middle like a palace. In front of the Cheesecake factory is a little plaza, like a courtyard, to further make the impression of the palace like building being the center of everything. Which I think was a wise choice, I am fully in support of the cheesecake factory getting to place of honor. What can I say, I'm a little too fond of dessert.
There is nothing gritty or cheap about this place. Even the movie theater, while having normal ticket prices, has a nice carpeted grand staircase you go up to get to concessions and the theaters. It's decorated in the Art Deco style, evoking a 1920's feel and again breaking from the feel of it being a chain. Another point for Pittsburgh and their refusal to fill up plazas with chain stores.
The restaurants and stores are more upscale, and the fast food places are hidden up a block, even those are Qudoba and Subway and a neat pita place rather than the typical Wendy's and McDonald's.
One restaurant was McCormick and Shmicks, a very expensive seafood place. There was a large bookstore and little boutique shops, the only one I recognized was a Forever 21, oh, and a New York and Company. It was neat, clean and a lovely place to go for a date night movie and dinner or to just feel trendy. A few blocks up it became a popular night hotspot with a street lined with bar after bar (but nothing down in the dumps, places young people would like to go) and a few more small restaurants.
Unlike the Strip, it was more of a shopping center for well established and very reputable stores rather than unique ethnic and vendors or independent artists. It also upped Blackstone in quality and accessibility, with shops along the street and centered around the courtyard rather than in a huge plaza. This way you could enjoy walkways and sidewalks without everything being clustered around a massive parking lot. I found it much more pleasing to the eye and to getting from store to store.
I don't think I'd be a regular there but for movies, there are 5 dollar Mondays and with a student ID you get a dollar off, so for the cinema and a nice meal out to the Cheesecake Factory, which I very very very highly recommend from repeat experiences, it is absolutely perfect.
A great, great place for a weekend date. Perhaps to spend money saved from shopping at the Strip on a dinner and movie.
Southside Works website: with picture of the courtyard, cheesecake factory and theater to the right on the homepage, check out what I mean!
http://www.southsideworks.com/
Saturday, June 26, 2010
The Strip District
Pittsburgh has given me the itch to write. In three days, one of which doesn't count since I didn't even venture into the city, Pittsburgh has reached to my inner writer, grabbed hold and made me love it. So now, in turn I must do the same (whether the reader has an inner writer or not, I want the city to grab something and make you love it).
Today, my father and I ventured down to what is known as the Strip District. Saturday is a huge market day, where in addition to the normal stores and permanent markets, vendors come sell wares and foods on the sidewalk. It's also the day most people come down. So, it's a bustling, lively place on Saturdays.
The strip district has a bit of a gritty feel to it. It's not gross or slummy, but it's not architecturally pretty or historic or like Faneuil Hall in Boston. It has a lot of warehouses that have become large markets, and in between there are smaller specialty shops. But really, how it looks isn't what you'll notice or care about if you're wandering the streets. I say this from experience, I can barely recall how it looked.
What I can recall, is that this is a foody's paradise. A foody (foodie?) in a very loose sense is someone who adores exploring food, is a food snob or loves exotic/eccentric foods. This place has a famous market for fish and meats called Wholey's right when you enter. I saw a girl walk by with a bag full of frozen octopus and passed by a animatronic steer head singing and “talking” to passerby over a cooler full of ribs. Someone has a sense of humor in this place. Also, it's huge. A fun place to explore and looks nothing like a conventional supermarket, with huge tanks of live trout and lobsters and a warehouse feel (but not like Bjs or Sams club, this place is more open, not organized strictly into rows/aisles) it makes for a more interesting and appealing layout.
Though there are a few other large markets like Pennsylvania Macaroni Co. which is a sprawling place with whole shelves dedicated to hot sauces and olive oils.\ All the brands were unrecognizable and sporting interesting names. The variety was stupefying and even somewhat baffling. But nonetheless fun to explore and I suspect fun to try out. It was such a large store it could afford to just find every type of everything it seems. And it's so much more homey (despite the size) than both our grocery stores and the wholesale outlets!
Then, you have the specialty markets. There is one for everything. There is a large Asian market, a Mediterranean food market, and an Italian food market filled with imported goods. Fancy chocolate shops, coffee shops bearing fascinating jams, jellies and breads and huge lists of latte flavors fall on the smaller side of the ethnic food markets which are large considering the specific niche of foods they supply. Other interesting shops include an entire shop devoted to spices, clothing shops, restaurants and the only sign of a chain is the lone McDonalds tucked at the end of the street. As a whole, chain places tend to fall towards an occasional cluster of fast food places, which are few and far between and the necessary grocery stores. But in the neighborhood even those are more HWole foods and Trader Joe's. The city seems to have embraced independent markets, coffee shops, and small businesses.
Another great find was a huge discount grocery store, filled with bizarre odds and ends (but so many the place a jam packed with everything you'd need for basics and then some- just don't go looking for a specific brand or super specific need) for prices my father and I were exclaiming over. It's a poor student's paradise in there, with everything at a extremely low price it's worth the short driver into the heart of the city on a Saturday to do all the weeks shopping in the district. Between this place for staples and the many ethnic food markets, Wholey's for meat and super cheap produce places (I didn't even mention the produce place we found- dad was comparing prices and EVERYTHING was significantly lower than at home. Example: 3 lbs of Gala apples for $3.00 at home it has never gotten below $2.00 per lb!), being on a budget wont be as much of a stretch at all.
Furthermore, it's a great place to grab breakfast or lunch while out shopping for cheap. On the street vedors were selling huge pieces of chicken for $3.00, lobster rolls for $5.00 and fresh made salmon/shrimp dinners with rice and grilled veggies for as low as $6.00.
Furthermore, Dad and I found people to be friendly. We made friends with a guy advertising Wholey's products on the street via a sound system and talking over his lunch break he revealed he OWNs the Wholey's business and it's actually a huge company, way beyond the market we saw (a 100 million dollar enterprise) and he even gave us his card. We began talking to another few guys and one was visiting from Rome!
Also, the city is sports crazed. I hate to say this but it seems to rival and possibly even surpass our beloved Red Sox nation. I have never, ever seen as much black and gold merch being sold. Even in the heart of Boston, there is nothing like the way these people rep their sports teams. It's intimidating to someone not local. I feel as if I scream outsider by not stopping to browse the sports teams products on every corner!
I haven't even started on the residential neighborhoods. Those are a fascinating blog in themselves. But, maybe tomorrow.
Today, my father and I ventured down to what is known as the Strip District. Saturday is a huge market day, where in addition to the normal stores and permanent markets, vendors come sell wares and foods on the sidewalk. It's also the day most people come down. So, it's a bustling, lively place on Saturdays.
The strip district has a bit of a gritty feel to it. It's not gross or slummy, but it's not architecturally pretty or historic or like Faneuil Hall in Boston. It has a lot of warehouses that have become large markets, and in between there are smaller specialty shops. But really, how it looks isn't what you'll notice or care about if you're wandering the streets. I say this from experience, I can barely recall how it looked.
What I can recall, is that this is a foody's paradise. A foody (foodie?) in a very loose sense is someone who adores exploring food, is a food snob or loves exotic/eccentric foods. This place has a famous market for fish and meats called Wholey's right when you enter. I saw a girl walk by with a bag full of frozen octopus and passed by a animatronic steer head singing and “talking” to passerby over a cooler full of ribs. Someone has a sense of humor in this place. Also, it's huge. A fun place to explore and looks nothing like a conventional supermarket, with huge tanks of live trout and lobsters and a warehouse feel (but not like Bjs or Sams club, this place is more open, not organized strictly into rows/aisles) it makes for a more interesting and appealing layout.
Though there are a few other large markets like Pennsylvania Macaroni Co. which is a sprawling place with whole shelves dedicated to hot sauces and olive oils.\ All the brands were unrecognizable and sporting interesting names. The variety was stupefying and even somewhat baffling. But nonetheless fun to explore and I suspect fun to try out. It was such a large store it could afford to just find every type of everything it seems. And it's so much more homey (despite the size) than both our grocery stores and the wholesale outlets!
Then, you have the specialty markets. There is one for everything. There is a large Asian market, a Mediterranean food market, and an Italian food market filled with imported goods. Fancy chocolate shops, coffee shops bearing fascinating jams, jellies and breads and huge lists of latte flavors fall on the smaller side of the ethnic food markets which are large considering the specific niche of foods they supply. Other interesting shops include an entire shop devoted to spices, clothing shops, restaurants and the only sign of a chain is the lone McDonalds tucked at the end of the street. As a whole, chain places tend to fall towards an occasional cluster of fast food places, which are few and far between and the necessary grocery stores. But in the neighborhood even those are more HWole foods and Trader Joe's. The city seems to have embraced independent markets, coffee shops, and small businesses.
Another great find was a huge discount grocery store, filled with bizarre odds and ends (but so many the place a jam packed with everything you'd need for basics and then some- just don't go looking for a specific brand or super specific need) for prices my father and I were exclaiming over. It's a poor student's paradise in there, with everything at a extremely low price it's worth the short driver into the heart of the city on a Saturday to do all the weeks shopping in the district. Between this place for staples and the many ethnic food markets, Wholey's for meat and super cheap produce places (I didn't even mention the produce place we found- dad was comparing prices and EVERYTHING was significantly lower than at home. Example: 3 lbs of Gala apples for $3.00 at home it has never gotten below $2.00 per lb!), being on a budget wont be as much of a stretch at all.
Furthermore, it's a great place to grab breakfast or lunch while out shopping for cheap. On the street vedors were selling huge pieces of chicken for $3.00, lobster rolls for $5.00 and fresh made salmon/shrimp dinners with rice and grilled veggies for as low as $6.00.
Furthermore, Dad and I found people to be friendly. We made friends with a guy advertising Wholey's products on the street via a sound system and talking over his lunch break he revealed he OWNs the Wholey's business and it's actually a huge company, way beyond the market we saw (a 100 million dollar enterprise) and he even gave us his card. We began talking to another few guys and one was visiting from Rome!
Also, the city is sports crazed. I hate to say this but it seems to rival and possibly even surpass our beloved Red Sox nation. I have never, ever seen as much black and gold merch being sold. Even in the heart of Boston, there is nothing like the way these people rep their sports teams. It's intimidating to someone not local. I feel as if I scream outsider by not stopping to browse the sports teams products on every corner!
I haven't even started on the residential neighborhoods. Those are a fascinating blog in themselves. But, maybe tomorrow.
Friday, June 25, 2010
My new place.
So today something bordering on bizarre happened. Well, in a good way. Not a miracle, but more than just good luck.
So, since Wednesday I have been in Pittsburgh apartment searching. Now, since Chris is coming with me for a host of reasons I am too tired to explain my dad really turned me on to having a second bedroom to use as a study and to have more space since we are a couple who will be learning to live together.
For a while I fought him on it, refusing to consider it because I didn't want to spend the extra money. But more and more it started sounding like a really practical and smart idea. So, still keeping money in mind I started asking about seeing two bedrooms along with one bedrooms. Well, the first one I saw was in nasty condition, with no parking, and electric heat which would drive our bills up considerably. The cabinets and floor were in bad conditions and the bedrooms were tiny.
I was not impressed. More money, less quality. The next day (today) we saw a very very nice one bedroom that was spacious and extremely well kept, included garage parking for an extra monthly fee and the management was fantastic. It seemed like an amazing apartment. If *only* it had two bedrooms! But it was a possibility. After we stumbled upon a small coffee shop next door and went in. On our way out dad spotted a small, unremarkable sign on a business across the street. It was a realty company. He asked if we should pop in and ask what they had. I hesitated, didn't realty catered more to houses? He said they did apartments to. I was still iffy. We had an appointment coming up, and another in the afternoon and even more on Monday.
But he went in and I followed. And we asked. The guy only had stuff left in the run down area of town...or...townhouses. Immediately I dismissed it mentally, I mean, a grad student in a townhouse? We had gotten prices on some out of curiosity and they ran 1,100 + all utilities and up. No way. But he gave us the prices for these and it was much lower, even doable!
They were just around the corner so we even took a peek at the outside. Not a bad neighborhood, not falling down. They looked sound and sturdy, not new and shiny, but modest brick buildings with a cozy porch, and the one open even had a tree in the yard. It was a one way street and parking seemed easily available. The one up for rent was actually occupied but he had a 4:00 appointment already and agreed to squeak/sneak us in at 3:45! So we made an appointment to view one, with the mind set it must be run down or damaged or old.
Then our next appointment started with a nasty nasty run down sketchy basement apartment, but then we saw another property with a very spacious two bedroom. The place was bright, nice, had a living room, dining area, small second bedroom for an office, but dad kept saying the bedroom seemed too cramped.
It was all that kept us from pulling the trigger on the spot for this place, and I was thinking he was being a bit fussy. But he kept mentioning how tight a fit it would be for a bed, how much we needed a bureau, etc. I didn't think the townhouse could possibly be better but since the appointment was in an hour we kept it and didn't sign.
So, onto the moment of truth (I didn't know that at the time).
We walked in to this place and my eyes shot open. It was spacious, pristine, the walls were smooth and without any show of wear or tear, with nice hardwood floors that were undamaged (and we were looking after one horendous place!), and nice large windows. The living room was big, the dining room was huge! The kitchen was modest, but larger than most, and it came with a basement for storage! The basement was a completely clear large room with hookup for washer/dryer which the current tenants had in place.
Then, upstairs, there were two and a half bedrooms and a bathroom. The two rooms (both bedrooms) were HUGE. Easily BOTH bigger than all the bedrooms we had seen. The bathroom was good. The carpeting was new, nice and thick, soft and positively spotless. (Upstairs was carpeted, downstairs was hardwood).
The “half” bedroom was used as a baby's nursery and would make good storage or even a very small office.
There were new windows, just put in. It was connected to two other units so as far as heating there were only two “cold” or exposed walls. Heating wasn't electric (a big plus) but gas. It felt like a small house. We could NOT find a flaw. It was more spacious than anything we had seen in terms of room sizes, and it was nicer or as a nice as anything else. And it was affordable. Doable.
So today I signed a lease on a cute little two and a half bedroom townhouse. Do I strictly need the space? Well, yes and no. Chris and I are a happy couple, but new to living together, have two floors and a spacious office to seclude myself for schoolwork seems like a near priceless investment. Also, this means I have more than enough space for bringing luxuries like our full sized tall bookcases, both desks, and still having space to MOVE AROUND.
Also, it's lovely having my own place, with washer and dryer in my basement, not having to share. It feels like a home. And I cannot get over the condition.
We were frank with the realtor, we asked what was up. He said the guy who owned these had owned them for 30 years and didn't feel the need to sap every penny he could from them.
He also said he had just put this one up as available, and I mean *just*. The four o clock appt. was the very first he had made. Well, that made us the VERY first to see it. We told him we'd take it. Luckily his four oclock appointment never showed!
The other unit he put up got through a whole two showings before the second person snapped it up on the spot, like we did.
These places are just a FIND. And we just randomly walked in off the street around 12:30, beat out the very first appointment by 15 minutes because he was nice about squishing us in and by 4:00...had ourselves a deal.
What a stroke of LUCK!
The best part, in walking distance is a commercial center with a nice large grocery and then tons of independent eateries, coffee shops, a second string movie theater (shows older movies) and tons of neat little shops! A block over the street my internship is on begins, and it's just a straight shot to the location! Easy to get to or what?
I'm still in disbelief.
So, since Wednesday I have been in Pittsburgh apartment searching. Now, since Chris is coming with me for a host of reasons I am too tired to explain my dad really turned me on to having a second bedroom to use as a study and to have more space since we are a couple who will be learning to live together.
For a while I fought him on it, refusing to consider it because I didn't want to spend the extra money. But more and more it started sounding like a really practical and smart idea. So, still keeping money in mind I started asking about seeing two bedrooms along with one bedrooms. Well, the first one I saw was in nasty condition, with no parking, and electric heat which would drive our bills up considerably. The cabinets and floor were in bad conditions and the bedrooms were tiny.
I was not impressed. More money, less quality. The next day (today) we saw a very very nice one bedroom that was spacious and extremely well kept, included garage parking for an extra monthly fee and the management was fantastic. It seemed like an amazing apartment. If *only* it had two bedrooms! But it was a possibility. After we stumbled upon a small coffee shop next door and went in. On our way out dad spotted a small, unremarkable sign on a business across the street. It was a realty company. He asked if we should pop in and ask what they had. I hesitated, didn't realty catered more to houses? He said they did apartments to. I was still iffy. We had an appointment coming up, and another in the afternoon and even more on Monday.
But he went in and I followed. And we asked. The guy only had stuff left in the run down area of town...or...townhouses. Immediately I dismissed it mentally, I mean, a grad student in a townhouse? We had gotten prices on some out of curiosity and they ran 1,100 + all utilities and up. No way. But he gave us the prices for these and it was much lower, even doable!
They were just around the corner so we even took a peek at the outside. Not a bad neighborhood, not falling down. They looked sound and sturdy, not new and shiny, but modest brick buildings with a cozy porch, and the one open even had a tree in the yard. It was a one way street and parking seemed easily available. The one up for rent was actually occupied but he had a 4:00 appointment already and agreed to squeak/sneak us in at 3:45! So we made an appointment to view one, with the mind set it must be run down or damaged or old.
Then our next appointment started with a nasty nasty run down sketchy basement apartment, but then we saw another property with a very spacious two bedroom. The place was bright, nice, had a living room, dining area, small second bedroom for an office, but dad kept saying the bedroom seemed too cramped.
It was all that kept us from pulling the trigger on the spot for this place, and I was thinking he was being a bit fussy. But he kept mentioning how tight a fit it would be for a bed, how much we needed a bureau, etc. I didn't think the townhouse could possibly be better but since the appointment was in an hour we kept it and didn't sign.
So, onto the moment of truth (I didn't know that at the time).
We walked in to this place and my eyes shot open. It was spacious, pristine, the walls were smooth and without any show of wear or tear, with nice hardwood floors that were undamaged (and we were looking after one horendous place!), and nice large windows. The living room was big, the dining room was huge! The kitchen was modest, but larger than most, and it came with a basement for storage! The basement was a completely clear large room with hookup for washer/dryer which the current tenants had in place.
Then, upstairs, there were two and a half bedrooms and a bathroom. The two rooms (both bedrooms) were HUGE. Easily BOTH bigger than all the bedrooms we had seen. The bathroom was good. The carpeting was new, nice and thick, soft and positively spotless. (Upstairs was carpeted, downstairs was hardwood).
The “half” bedroom was used as a baby's nursery and would make good storage or even a very small office.
There were new windows, just put in. It was connected to two other units so as far as heating there were only two “cold” or exposed walls. Heating wasn't electric (a big plus) but gas. It felt like a small house. We could NOT find a flaw. It was more spacious than anything we had seen in terms of room sizes, and it was nicer or as a nice as anything else. And it was affordable. Doable.
So today I signed a lease on a cute little two and a half bedroom townhouse. Do I strictly need the space? Well, yes and no. Chris and I are a happy couple, but new to living together, have two floors and a spacious office to seclude myself for schoolwork seems like a near priceless investment. Also, this means I have more than enough space for bringing luxuries like our full sized tall bookcases, both desks, and still having space to MOVE AROUND.
Also, it's lovely having my own place, with washer and dryer in my basement, not having to share. It feels like a home. And I cannot get over the condition.
We were frank with the realtor, we asked what was up. He said the guy who owned these had owned them for 30 years and didn't feel the need to sap every penny he could from them.
He also said he had just put this one up as available, and I mean *just*. The four o clock appt. was the very first he had made. Well, that made us the VERY first to see it. We told him we'd take it. Luckily his four oclock appointment never showed!
The other unit he put up got through a whole two showings before the second person snapped it up on the spot, like we did.
These places are just a FIND. And we just randomly walked in off the street around 12:30, beat out the very first appointment by 15 minutes because he was nice about squishing us in and by 4:00...had ourselves a deal.
What a stroke of LUCK!
The best part, in walking distance is a commercial center with a nice large grocery and then tons of independent eateries, coffee shops, a second string movie theater (shows older movies) and tons of neat little shops! A block over the street my internship is on begins, and it's just a straight shot to the location! Easy to get to or what?
I'm still in disbelief.
Friday, May 28, 2010
GRADUATION
So, today was THE DAY.
I was up early- 7 AM, sure to be ready. I was too nervous to have a solid breakfast and really not much changed until I was actually sitting on the field.
It was only walking onto the field that I started tearing up. I was handed a program and saw my name with (Magna cum Laude) next to it. Normally, I thought I would even be a bit disappointed about not making Summa- only because I was pretty close (a B freshman year kept me from it) but seeing how few got honors (cum laude) at all, nevermind magna/summa put things in perspective and I was just immensely overwhelmed by what I had achieved. Then standing and looking up at the stands as the crowd cheered and clapped for us before we sat and began, again I had to control myself and not cry. It was just a powerful feeling, seeing all those people here in the stands, just because we had made it four years.
Except, not "just" - for the first time, I kind of felt like what I had done was a big achievement. In the back of the program I was listed for two special senior class awards. I had my Dana Scholar pins on and my Sigma Tau Delta Honor Society cords hung around my neck- I had done some exceptional stuff.
Still, going up and getting the diploma was a bit uneventful. The commencement speaker was okay. I liked the Valedictorian speech. I was mostly excited to see my dad after wards and Nancy and C.J who had come. We went to the BBQ reception (which had no vegetarian options for sandwiches! HC STEP UP!) and it was so packed with hundreds of people. It just felt amazing to be part of something so BIG.
I got to take pictures and chat with my mentor and favorite professor a significant amount and that was really important. Chris came straight from school to be with me which was very important to me. It was small and nice.
To be honest, I really can't wait to see my extended family and some other friends to celebrate. I'm pretty bummed HC had the ceremony on a Friday and on memorial day weekend at that.
The whole time before graduation I wasn't overly worried about people coming, or making a fuss. I was really pretty unexcited (nervous- yes) but I just, I didn't know it would be so important until it happened.
And I never really felt as proud of myself as other people have. Everyone tells me how immensely proud they are of me, but doing well in school has just been what I have always done, and what I need to do, and who I AM. It never seemed extraordinary to me.
It never seemed like something I should expect people to fawn over.
But when I saw how few students had those honors, it made an impression. I just kind of didn't understand why so few had Magna/summa cum laude. I was really the minority. I was someone...special?
I consider myself *fairly* modest. And even when I do feel proud of myself I feel guilty for "bragging" or worry about making other people feel bad who haven't done as much or as well as I have. Even getting into grad school just seemed more like a wise choice than an achievement. I mean, lots of people go to graduate school, so I never really put any thought into what it takes to get in with a (partial) merit scholarship.
But today I just let myself say to my dad- "Dad did you see how few students got Magna cum laude?" Yeah, I said THAT.
Because I was proud of myself. Because although I still don't see myself as an overachiever (it's just what I do...I do well...) I felt something today that I don't usually feel.
And I wanted to share it with people. And for the first time I think I will feel comfortable when people congratulate me. I don't feel bad about telling people I graduated Magna cum Laude because I did SOMETHING to earn it- didn't I? I SHOULD be proud. It's still odd to really want to go out of my way to tell people, and maybe a bit arrogant, but less than it normally would feel.
Really, I could blog about the details of the day- but this whole, feeling proud of myself thing is really the biggest part of my day. And wanting to celebrate with people in my life in a really bad way. I remember tons of people coming to my highschool graduation and then i felt nowhere NEAR the pride I felt today- I only wished it could have been the other way around and maybe I should have tried harder to get people to come- said something to people, made a bigger deal of it. But really, before today I didn't GET how much it meant to me. At all. At least I have future plans to do something to honor it. But for now I guess this blog will do- after all, I guess it was a big day, if it even made an impression on ME.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
The Day before Graduation..
So I guess I might seem like I'm spamming you guys right now but seriously... this is news.
My professor gave me his copy of Shakespeare's Completed Works... leather bound... gold leafed...from...
1867!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He knows I'm into old books and that I'm going into archiving. I was talking about how I thought older books were more beautiful and I really loved them so he gave me my very first antique book. And it's huge and GORGEOUS- with illustrations too! This book is seriously... amazing.
And it was his.
I was so shocked.
And touched.
(Still shocked).
Then I stopped by my old office at Study Abroad to say goodbye since tomorrow is graduation but I probably will be too caught up in the madness to do it then- to find they had a gift all wrapped and ready for me.
Two books of poetry, since they know I'm "The" poet!
One is the ONLY COMPLETE collection of Emily Dickenson's poems. All 1,775 of them. (Fun fact: only 11 were published in her lifetime). And another book of poetry by an author I actually don't know. And they even added the helpful advice of: don't wear heels tomorrow!
I came home and was delivered flowers from my aunt and the whole extended family from my mother's side and they are just the freshest more fragrant flowers I have ever had!
I just feel loved. And appreciated. And touched. And I was too excited not to share.
:)
That is all.
My professor gave me his copy of Shakespeare's Completed Works... leather bound... gold leafed...from...
1867!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He knows I'm into old books and that I'm going into archiving. I was talking about how I thought older books were more beautiful and I really loved them so he gave me my very first antique book. And it's huge and GORGEOUS- with illustrations too! This book is seriously... amazing.
And it was his.
I was so shocked.
And touched.
(Still shocked).
Then I stopped by my old office at Study Abroad to say goodbye since tomorrow is graduation but I probably will be too caught up in the madness to do it then- to find they had a gift all wrapped and ready for me.
Two books of poetry, since they know I'm "The" poet!
One is the ONLY COMPLETE collection of Emily Dickenson's poems. All 1,775 of them. (Fun fact: only 11 were published in her lifetime). And another book of poetry by an author I actually don't know. And they even added the helpful advice of: don't wear heels tomorrow!
I came home and was delivered flowers from my aunt and the whole extended family from my mother's side and they are just the freshest more fragrant flowers I have ever had!
I just feel loved. And appreciated. And touched. And I was too excited not to share.
:)
That is all.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Graduation is FRIDAY!
Hello friends,
I just found out blogger.com is stingy with their email list and only allows ten email addresses. That means if you are getting this is in your in-box you are super special. And that blogger.com is lame.
As for this post, it is mostly nervousness/excitement/cyber flailing. Read on.
Moving on! I just got my seating assignment for Friday. Graduation. And the tickets have been delivered if there is inclement weather and guests actually need tickets. We get five. So far I have three coming. I'm also guessing it would be very not cool to scalp graduation tickets... even with the current economy (which should totally justify it)... so if anyone will desperately need them let me know and I will *give* them to you.
Or if someone wants to come and hasn't told me now would be the time.
Hopefully it doesn't rain though and my hordes of fans can come surprise me at graduation.
Right after they materialize out of nonexistence.
So, my biggest concern about graduation is that I don't know what to wear UNDER the gown. I mean I wouldn't really be taking it off until they pry it off my body ("Just one more photo op- pleaaaaase, just ONNNNE" I shall beg and cry in a glorious and well done dramatic fashion that will even have the theater majors in awe) but, as I know defeat is inevitable, when the moment cvomes I suppose I should have something nice on, eh?
This is a dilemma. I have plenty of COOL clothes. And tights like you've never seen- striped, heart patterned, insane colors, print... but somehow part of me wants to go out classy. And adult. And not like the walking billboard for Hot Topic that I am.
Unfortunately unlike probably 95% of the graduating class I am already a working girl and don't have time or money to shop. Well, everyone else has the time, probably not so much the money. Anyway.
I should be more excited. I'm just nervous. Take the diploma with your right hand shake with the left? Or was it the other way around? What if I walk too fast? Trip? Go the wrong way back to my seat because I forget what the 350 people before me do?
Because that WILL happen. I will be sitting there in a frozen panic for and hour and a half and probably not even HEAR my name.
The four years of college was easy. It's the two hour graduation that will make a complete wreck of me. This is why my life is endlessly amusing.
And to make matters worse, I have run out of quarters. Yes, this is just as important as me not knowing how to get through a timeless graduation ceremony that hundreds of thousands have managed.
Because the "Flavia" coffee machine at work takes two quarters for one cup of bad tasting (in about 10 flavors of bad tasting "insert flavors here" might I add!) but gloriously caffeinated coffee. And without my afternoon coffee I am sure I will not even be fit for civilized society come Friday.
But in other news, I have decided to show off what compromises my amazon Wishlist because it seems I am more interested in playing dress up than what an apartment needs.
Actually, the truth is, I don't KNOW what an apartment needs. So next year I will be screaming and flailing about helplesslessly when I realize I don't have pot holders, or a colander, or a welcome mat. Or something so important I can't even conceive of it in my inexperienced state.
So, instead I browse these things:
http://amzn.com/w/38USTGGCLW5G4
(edit: Ha oops that's under my dad's name since I signed the amazon account up under him and then started using it myself later on- amusing. Also those bathing suits look skimpier than I remember! I guess I get excited when on the Hot Topic website. I am actually a tankini with a skirted bottom kind of girl.)
Clearly I need guidance. I am intelligent and able to survive but really there will be SOMETHING I wouldn't have thought of in a million years. Tell me random things you cannot live without in what I am STILL differentiating as "the real world" while pretending I am not part of the larger "real" world of those who have moved into the working/bill paying world.
I think now I am going to go. I have a ceremony on Thursday where I am getting two poetry awards and after four years my mentor and father shall meet. I have absolutely no doubt this will occasion a post so full of happiness and awesome retelling that you should be in high anticipation on the edge of your seats pressing the refresh button. Then comes graduation. Then things will calm a bit until the epic trip to Pittsburgh, in which I do my first EVER apartment search and behold what will be my new home.
Should be fun. Bye for now friends!
I just found out blogger.com is stingy with their email list and only allows ten email addresses. That means if you are getting this is in your in-box you are super special. And that blogger.com is lame.
As for this post, it is mostly nervousness/excitement/cyber flailing. Read on.
Moving on! I just got my seating assignment for Friday. Graduation. And the tickets have been delivered if there is inclement weather and guests actually need tickets. We get five. So far I have three coming. I'm also guessing it would be very not cool to scalp graduation tickets... even with the current economy (which should totally justify it)... so if anyone will desperately need them let me know and I will *give* them to you.
Or if someone wants to come and hasn't told me now would be the time.
Hopefully it doesn't rain though and my hordes of fans can come surprise me at graduation.
Right after they materialize out of nonexistence.
So, my biggest concern about graduation is that I don't know what to wear UNDER the gown. I mean I wouldn't really be taking it off until they pry it off my body ("Just one more photo op- pleaaaaase, just ONNNNE" I shall beg and cry in a glorious and well done dramatic fashion that will even have the theater majors in awe) but, as I know defeat is inevitable, when the moment cvomes I suppose I should have something nice on, eh?
This is a dilemma. I have plenty of COOL clothes. And tights like you've never seen- striped, heart patterned, insane colors, print... but somehow part of me wants to go out classy. And adult. And not like the walking billboard for Hot Topic that I am.
Unfortunately unlike probably 95% of the graduating class I am already a working girl and don't have time or money to shop. Well, everyone else has the time, probably not so much the money. Anyway.
I should be more excited. I'm just nervous. Take the diploma with your right hand shake with the left? Or was it the other way around? What if I walk too fast? Trip? Go the wrong way back to my seat because I forget what the 350 people before me do?
Because that WILL happen. I will be sitting there in a frozen panic for and hour and a half and probably not even HEAR my name.
The four years of college was easy. It's the two hour graduation that will make a complete wreck of me. This is why my life is endlessly amusing.
And to make matters worse, I have run out of quarters. Yes, this is just as important as me not knowing how to get through a timeless graduation ceremony that hundreds of thousands have managed.
Because the "Flavia" coffee machine at work takes two quarters for one cup of bad tasting (in about 10 flavors of bad tasting "insert flavors here" might I add!) but gloriously caffeinated coffee. And without my afternoon coffee I am sure I will not even be fit for civilized society come Friday.
But in other news, I have decided to show off what compromises my amazon Wishlist because it seems I am more interested in playing dress up than what an apartment needs.
Actually, the truth is, I don't KNOW what an apartment needs. So next year I will be screaming and flailing about helplesslessly when I realize I don't have pot holders, or a colander, or a welcome mat. Or something so important I can't even conceive of it in my inexperienced state.
So, instead I browse these things:
http://amzn.com/w/38USTGGCLW5G4
(edit: Ha oops that's under my dad's name since I signed the amazon account up under him and then started using it myself later on- amusing. Also those bathing suits look skimpier than I remember! I guess I get excited when on the Hot Topic website. I am actually a tankini with a skirted bottom kind of girl.)
Clearly I need guidance. I am intelligent and able to survive but really there will be SOMETHING I wouldn't have thought of in a million years. Tell me random things you cannot live without in what I am STILL differentiating as "the real world" while pretending I am not part of the larger "real" world of those who have moved into the working/bill paying world.
I think now I am going to go. I have a ceremony on Thursday where I am getting two poetry awards and after four years my mentor and father shall meet. I have absolutely no doubt this will occasion a post so full of happiness and awesome retelling that you should be in high anticipation on the edge of your seats pressing the refresh button. Then comes graduation. Then things will calm a bit until the epic trip to Pittsburgh, in which I do my first EVER apartment search and behold what will be my new home.
Should be fun. Bye for now friends!
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