GRADUATION

So, today was THE DAY.

I was up early- 7 AM, sure to be ready. I was too nervous to have a solid breakfast and really not much changed until I was actually sitting on the field.

It was only walking onto the field that I started tearing up. I was handed a program and saw my name with (Magna cum Laude) next to it. Normally, I thought I would even be a bit disappointed about not making Summa- only because I was pretty close (a B freshman year kept me from it) but seeing how few got honors (cum laude) at all, nevermind magna/summa put things in perspective and I was just immensely overwhelmed by what I had achieved. Then standing and looking up at the stands as the crowd cheered and clapped for us before we sat and began, again I had to control myself and not cry. It was just a powerful feeling, seeing all those people here in the stands, just because we had made it four years.

Except, not "just" - for the first time, I kind of felt like what I had done was a big achievement. In the back of the program I was listed for two special senior class awards. I had my Dana Scholar pins on and my Sigma Tau Delta Honor Society cords hung around my neck- I had done some exceptional stuff.

Still, going up and getting the diploma was a bit uneventful. The commencement speaker was okay. I liked the Valedictorian speech. I was mostly excited to see my dad after wards and Nancy and C.J who had come. We went to the BBQ reception (which had no vegetarian options for sandwiches! HC STEP UP!) and it was so packed with hundreds of people. It just felt amazing to be part of something so BIG.

I got to take pictures and chat with my mentor and favorite professor a significant amount and that was really important. Chris came straight from school to be with me which was very important to me. It was small and nice.

To be honest, I really can't wait to see my extended family and some other friends to celebrate. I'm pretty bummed HC had the ceremony on a Friday and on memorial day weekend at that.

The whole time before graduation I wasn't overly worried about people coming, or making a fuss. I was really pretty unexcited (nervous- yes) but I just, I didn't know it would be so important until it happened.

And I never really felt as proud of myself as other people have. Everyone tells me how immensely proud they are of me, but doing well in school has just been what I have always done, and what I need to do, and who I AM. It never seemed extraordinary to me.

It never seemed like something I should expect people to fawn over.

But when I saw how few students had those honors, it made an impression. I just kind of didn't understand why so few had Magna/summa cum laude. I was really the minority. I was someone...special?

I consider myself *fairly* modest. And even when I do feel proud of myself I feel guilty for "bragging" or worry about making other people feel bad who haven't done as much or as well as I have. Even getting into grad school just seemed more like a wise choice than an achievement. I mean, lots of people go to graduate school, so I never really put any thought into what it takes to get in with a (partial) merit scholarship.

But today I just let myself say to my dad- "Dad did you see how few students got Magna cum laude?" Yeah, I said THAT.

Because I was proud of myself. Because although I still don't see myself as an overachiever (it's just what I do...I do well...) I felt something today that I don't usually feel.

And I wanted to share it with people. And for the first time I think I will feel comfortable when people congratulate me. I don't feel bad about telling people I graduated Magna cum Laude because I did SOMETHING to earn it- didn't I? I SHOULD be proud. It's still odd to really want to go out of my way to tell people, and maybe a bit arrogant, but less than it normally would feel.

Really, I could blog about the details of the day- but this whole, feeling proud of myself thing is really the biggest part of my day. And wanting to celebrate with people in my life in a really bad way. I remember tons of people coming to my highschool graduation and then i felt nowhere NEAR the pride I felt today- I only wished it could have been the other way around and maybe I should have tried harder to get people to come- said something to people, made a bigger deal of it. But really, before today I didn't GET how much it meant to me. At all. At least I have future plans to do something to honor it. But for now I guess this blog will do- after all, I guess it was a big day, if it even made an impression on ME.

The Day before Graduation..

So I guess I might seem like I'm spamming you guys right now but seriously... this is news.

My professor gave me his copy of Shakespeare's Completed Works... leather bound... gold leafed...from...

1867!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He knows I'm into old books and that I'm going into archiving. I was talking about how I thought older books were more beautiful and I really loved them so he gave me my very first antique book. And it's huge and GORGEOUS- with illustrations too! This book is seriously... amazing.

And it was his.

I was so shocked.

And touched.

(Still shocked).

Then I stopped by my old office at Study Abroad to say goodbye since tomorrow is graduation but I probably will be too caught up in the madness to do it then- to find they had a gift all wrapped and ready for me.

Two books of poetry, since they know I'm "The" poet!

One is the ONLY COMPLETE collection of Emily Dickenson's poems. All 1,775 of them. (Fun fact: only 11 were published in her lifetime). And another book of poetry by an author I actually don't know. And they even added the helpful advice of: don't wear heels tomorrow!

I came home and was delivered flowers from my aunt and the whole extended family from my mother's side and they are just the freshest more fragrant flowers I have ever had!

I just feel loved. And appreciated. And touched. And I was too excited not to share.

:)

That is all.

Graduation is FRIDAY!

Hello friends,

I just found out blogger.com is stingy with their email list and only allows ten email addresses. That means if you are getting this is in your in-box you are super special. And that blogger.com is lame.

As for this post, it is mostly nervousness/excitement/cyber flailing. Read on.

Moving on! I just got my seating assignment for Friday. Graduation. And the tickets have been delivered if there is inclement weather and guests actually need tickets. We get five. So far I have three coming. I'm also guessing it would be very not cool to scalp graduation tickets... even with the current economy (which should totally justify it)... so if anyone will desperately need them let me know and I will *give* them to you.

Or if someone wants to come and hasn't told me now would be the time.

Hopefully it doesn't rain though and my hordes of fans can come surprise me at graduation.

Right after they materialize out of nonexistence.

So, my biggest concern about graduation is that I don't know what to wear UNDER the gown. I mean I wouldn't really be taking it off until they pry it off my body ("Just one more photo op- pleaaaaase, just ONNNNE" I shall beg and cry in a glorious and well done dramatic fashion that will even have the theater majors in awe) but, as I know defeat is inevitable, when the moment cvomes I suppose I should have something nice on, eh?

This is a dilemma. I have plenty of COOL clothes. And tights like you've never seen- striped, heart patterned, insane colors, print... but somehow part of me wants to go out classy. And adult. And not like the walking billboard for Hot Topic that I am.

Unfortunately unlike probably 95% of the graduating class I am already a working girl and don't have time or money to shop. Well, everyone else has the time, probably not so much the money. Anyway.

I should be more excited. I'm just nervous. Take the diploma with your right hand shake with the left? Or was it the other way around? What if I walk too fast? Trip? Go the wrong way back to my seat because I forget what the 350 people before me do?

Because that WILL happen. I will be sitting there in a frozen panic for and hour and a half and probably not even HEAR my name.

The four years of college was easy. It's the two hour graduation that will make a complete wreck of me. This is why my life is endlessly amusing.

And to make matters worse, I have run out of quarters. Yes, this is just as important as me not knowing how to get through a timeless graduation ceremony that hundreds of thousands have managed.

Because the "Flavia" coffee machine at work takes two quarters for one cup of bad tasting (in about 10 flavors of bad tasting "insert flavors here" might I add!) but gloriously caffeinated coffee. And without my afternoon coffee I am sure I will not even be fit for civilized society come Friday.

But in other news, I have decided to show off what compromises my amazon Wishlist because it seems I am more interested in playing dress up than what an apartment needs.

Actually, the truth is, I don't KNOW what an apartment needs. So next year I will be screaming and flailing about helplesslessly when I realize I don't have pot holders, or a colander, or a welcome mat. Or something so important I can't even conceive of it in my inexperienced state.

So, instead I browse these things:

http://amzn.com/w/38USTGGCLW5G4

(edit: Ha oops that's under my dad's name since I signed the amazon account up under him and then started using it myself later on- amusing. Also those bathing suits look skimpier than I remember! I guess I get excited when on the Hot Topic website. I am actually a tankini with a skirted bottom kind of girl.)

Clearly I need guidance. I am intelligent and able to survive but really there will be SOMETHING I wouldn't have thought of in a million years. Tell me random things you cannot live without in what I am STILL differentiating as "the real world" while pretending I am not part of the larger "real" world of those who have moved into the working/bill paying world.

I think now I am going to go. I have a ceremony on Thursday where I am getting two poetry awards and after four years my mentor and father shall meet. I have absolutely no doubt this will occasion a post so full of happiness and awesome retelling that you should be in high anticipation on the edge of your seats pressing the refresh button. Then comes graduation. Then things will calm a bit until the epic trip to Pittsburgh, in which I do my first EVER apartment search and behold what will be my new home.

Should be fun. Bye for now friends!

Oh yeah...

I'm thinking of adding more people to this blog and keeping it up more regularly since I am going to embark on my next big trip!

Rome, Jerusalem and... PITTSBURGH, PA!

Okay, so it's *slightly* anti-climactic, but I will be having my very first apartment, living on my own, navigating a new city, and really who wouldn't want to follow those adventures?

I *will* be making them into epic adventures. Do not doubt this.

Besides, I have to cook for myself- that's a catastrophe waiting to happen.

Or I might just cause a boost in the cereal industry.

Either way, time to update on LIFE.

Graduation is May 28th, 2010. I'm a bit bummed because it's stupidly on a Friday on MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND. Really, Holy Cross is arrogant, thinking everyone and their Mom can take off work for lil ol' me.

So I felt uncomfortable asking people to come and made almost no announcement about it, nonetheless my father and a very good family friend and her son are attending out of sheer love. I am sure others would love to attend out of sheer love too. So. Ten AM at Fitton field if the weather is nice for 2-3 hours o' boring name calling and a commencement speaker whose name I can't remember. See, guests are unlimited if they hold it at the football field. And so far so good on that note. Oh, and there's a BBQ afterward. My last chance to prance around in my cap and gown before I have to return it.

I *know* I should be more excited about this. Really. I just don't know how to make a big deal about myself! Darn this modest soul I have (ha!).

Also, I have completed my first week at my new job, as an official 9-5-er.

It kind of "sucks" to put it crassly. To be honest going from four years of having small 3-4 hour shifts at work and classes that lasted no more than 2.5 hours MAX (seminars) is actually pretty difficult. It takes adjustment to get used to eight hour blocks of being in one place, doing one job. And my job has no variation. Or human interaction involved. So from college classrooms full of discussion and being surrounded by people, it's been a tough transition. Also I already know I need to be around people. I am not a cubicle girl.

So this summer will be a challenge, but I guess an important adjustment too.

Then I'll run off to grad school and forget all about what it's like to work full time and have to start over in a year. I'm so practical.

Oh yeah. Grad school. Well, until very recently I had my heart set on going to UNC. But, being the number one school in the country meant they didn't NEED to offer financial aid (and didn't). So, that was a let down. Luckily (so so so luckily) The University of Pittsburgh MORE than stepped up and offered me a GREAT 6 credit merit scholarship, WITH an internship and it's a 3 semester program, done in a year which minimalizes cost of living expenses.

So I will be graduating having spent LESS than half of what it would cost (all expenses included) to go to UNC.

THAT'S something to get excited about.

And I am taking a trip there with my Dad at the end of June to find an apartment. Terrifying? YES.

But then I get to decorate.

Also, today while blissfully wasting time on the internet I discovered the amazon.com "wishlist" function while looking for a way to bookmark my silly little wants. I had no idea it was actually meant to store wish items for OTHER people to buy for you!

But most of the items are SO unpractical that I don't think I could justify actually using it for that purpose- even with graduation and a birthday coming up. Not when I *should* be asking for practical things. Like... a new laptop. Ha. Mine has been begging me to let it go for my senior year. My fiance Chris has been engaged in a never ending battle to keep it going.

But what I *really* want is a parasol.

Why? Because. I have a new hobby of sorts.

Remember that long ago post from December (http://romejerusalemandbeyond.blogspot.com/2009/12/growing-up.html) about wanting to be creative and doing it in the wrong way? About getting out of hand and not being a good role model? Well I've found a better way to create amazing images, stuff that I could show to anyone.

I've been debating on how much I should say about it to be honest. I'm kind of paranoid about negative feedback, as some find me bringing it up immensely egotistical. It's totally legit and nothing to be ashamed of. I've tried few *for fun* modeling shoots. Basically I work with Photographers for free to update their portfolios. I get pretty pictures. In some cases free clothing. I don't think I'll ever have the skills, the body, or get paid so I wouldn't call myself a model per say, but I would say I've gotten involved in some hobbyist modeling- also because it's not something I'm going to do long-term/full time. But even so, I've had nothing but fun.

This is all legitimate by the way, I'm not meeting with with strange men- I'm going through legitimate, professional photographers with studios and releases. I've even gotten some professional prints. Unfortunately, I didn't know *what* to do with pictures of myself so i gave some to my grandmother on my father's side! The others are just laying around somewhere- i'm not even sure where! I'll have to up my narcissism I guess! Except... I've completely stopped wearing makeup and contacts except for shoots. I actually barely look in a mirror except to see that I'm neat and kept up enough for work. Oops.

And I never go alone even to someplace legitimate, and respected, simply because.

Example shot:




See? Nice, classy stuff.

My friend Val is a makeup artist who underwent a certificate program and is trying to get together a portfolio so these days I almost always go with her to be a model for her work because she can actually make a living off of this! And I really want to see her start getting paid and getting real clients! So for now while she's new she can count on me to model her fine make up skills!

This is probably jut a summer thing, but it's been very fun. And I'm trying to modestly and slowly let people know about it because it's starting to become something I really like.

So, that's life at the moment. Boring job, fun hobby, exciting future move.

And graduation. Oh yeah. That. I keep forgetting.