Coming home to an empty house is never easy

To the Boy whose Heart I Broke

I expected the emptiness
When I came home tonight.
But the pictures, every one,
You had of us together,
Returned, caught me
By surprise.

The gifts too,
Those you had given me
And I to you, the bears,
The picture on the wall,
A gift from our first Christmas,
I was not prepared to find.

It was as if you took no trace of me,
No reminder that I had ever been a part
Of your life. As if maybe,
Eventually, my memory would fade.
And you could live as if
I had never existed at all.

Or maybe you were afraid
That if you did not leave them,
I would be the one to forget.
I can only guess now.
But I will keep them,
Just in case you do forget
To make the pain lessen.

I'll bear the burden of my choice
So someone will know
The story of us, of the rings
And the bears and the pictures.

Ironic that you left so much
That cuts so deeply,
Except for the one thing
I searched the whole house over for:

A goodbye.

Thanksgiving

So, I haven't updated this in quite a while. No worries, I'll get back into it.

So today was Thanksgiving, one of the rather rare occasions that my father's side of the family gets together. We all go out to a fancy shamncy buffet because my father and uncle don't cook. Though if they tried it would probably be hilarious and wonderful and great to video tape.

Unfortunately, I don't think they'd go for it. So, moving on. The excitement this year was over my cousin's new baby. He and his girlfriend came (they had three dinners to be at on thanksgiving!)with their 9 week old son Owen. And Owen was just one of those perfect babies. Not fussy, let himself be handed around, held, patted obsessively by my grandmother, the whole deal. He took is all with good grace.

I got to hold him twice. He was cute but at 9 weeks it was rather anticlimactic. Which can probably only be a good thing with infants- kind of a no news is good news thing, right? He sat happily on my lap, curled his fingers around mine, looked around. It was nice.

However, that side of the family isn't very easy to keep in touch with, especially since my cousin has moved out now. So I was tempted to reactivate my facebook to try and get closer with him and his girlfriend and keep up with the baby. I'd like to have pictures of the baby and comment on photos, maybe send some baby stuff to them.

So I was debating reactivating facebook solely for this. Still, I'm hesitant. I really enjoyed not being on facebook, but my cousin is barely on there even, I'd like to friend his girlfriend because she'd post more about the baby.

So facebook might be making a surprise comeback. Because Owen won me over. he didn't even try very hard, but I guess I'm a sucker.

Now I have practice holding an infant though, and I'll be ready if the opportunity comes up with a new baby expected Dec. 10 on the other side of the family! I would be thrilled to just sit with a sleeping baby in my arms. Hopefully I meet that new baby Christmas!

So, off to ponder reactivating facebook.

The Conference

Today I attended my very first day of my first conference. It's in Harrisburg and I'm staying at a hotel a ten minute walk from the conference which is in a Hilton hotel. I had a nice portfolio with a legal pad inside for taking notes, business cards and resumes in their pockets and a nice pen. Sure, okay, I didn't actually hand anything out, but I wasn't expecting to- they were just in case the occasion arose, which no one was expecting it to. But I was prepared. That was the point.

I attended a breakfast and then three sessions (each an hour and a half long) and a reception at the state capitol which included dinner, free drinks (lots of variety from what I saw, but I don't drink so I can't comment further) and private tours led just for us, well since we were the only one's there as it was after hours. Being in the newly renovated building after hours was SPECTACULAR. It's got other capitols beat hands down. We were given a tour guide by someone on the conservation team for the building and he had extensive knowledge of the process and history of the building. It was a fabulous tour- and they did several small ones so it was nice not to have to be crowded by people.

Here's a picture of the main area where the reception was I found online for a peek at what's got me so excited:





It was like being in a palace. All the art was renaissance style and spectacular. The food was good, desserts were lovely. I even ate some fruit.

Here's a room on the tour:



Anyway it's almost eleven now and I meant to do a longer entry but I've got day two to get through tomorrow and I must go to bed. And you wont believe it but there was even a hospitality suite back at the Hilton with more free drinks (it's funny, I'm fixated on this free drink thing though I don't drink- I'm simply shocked by it!) and socializing AFTER the reception until midnight, which I of course skipped.

Overall so far it's been interesting. I'm glad I came. I got to dress up in a suit and play professional. Sort of. More later. Hopefully!